We have been communicating, well really attempting to communicate for thirty eight years as of this June. If you are still communicating after that long, you have had a lot of practice. We think we are both reasonably intelligent people. The standard test of old certainly said we were. And we have not burned up too many neurons with our bad behaviors since we stopped taking standardized tests. So, we should have the equivalent of some form of advanced degree in personal intercommunication skills, at least with each other. But yet, there are so many times when we seem to be best practiced in miscommunication. Our advanced miscommunication skills are at time evidenced relative to just about any subject. But often one subject; and it is a subject that we practice and discuss very, very, very frequently; leads to miscommunication more frequently than any other. The subject? Sex! Wonder if you guessed that?
Why is it so hard to talk, and hear, clearly about something that means so much to both of us? To communicate about something that both of us want to communicate about because both of us want it to work, and work well! Is it because it is hard to explain? Is it because what each of us is trying to explain is actually a feeling as much as a physical thing? Is it because we don’t know what we really want? Is it because what we want changes between the time we figure out how to say it and when we actually manage to get the first thought understood. We don’t know. After almost thirty eight years of varying degrees of success trying to tell each other what we want in our sex lives together, we still get confused.
Can we offer any advice, probably not any good advice, except perhaps this, in the heat of the moment, try oh so very hard not let emotion creep into your reactions. Whatever you do, do not discuss a request in the middle of sex. Just try without emotion, force (unless that is what is asked for ) or hesitation to give. Remember your partner, and hopefully you, are in a tense state. This is time to go with the flow. Do what you can. If you are corrected, do not take it personally, just try your very best to make the change as requested. Even if you think your were just asked to do the exact opposite from what you were asked to do two minutes ago. It happens! Feelings and desires change, and they can change in a matter of seconds. Deal with it and go with it. But discuss it later. Not immediately later, but later. Our personal experience has been that the most successful later is after resting, often sleeping. Nothing like sleep, shower, and a great cup of coffee to make it easier to discuss calmly. This is the time to try to understand what the request really meant. Not the heat of the moment.
Is Still Here & Still Here Too