kink: from the Free Merriam-Webster Dictionary
unconventional sexual taste or behavior
Well that sure as hell doesn’t help very much!
Unconventional?
Again from the Free Merriam-Webster Dictionary
: not conventional : not bound by or in accordance with convention : being out of the ordinary
Nope, that doesn’t help at all.
What is conventional sex? Since we have not been out experiencing sex with other partners, we only know what is conventional for us. To be honest, what is conventional today is not what was conventional years ago. For one thing, we cannot do what we did years ago. For another, we have learned more about what provides each of us pleasure. Short of a mutual desire for unpleasurable pain avoidance and acts which would be health risks, there is little we will not try within the limits of our physical abilities. Does that make us kinky? Who knows? Who cares?
But many people do care. They worry about the term “kink”. They worry that if what they find pleasurable in their sex lives is labeled by others as kinky that there might be something wrong with them. What a horribly limiting way to lead your life! There are many people and many organizations that believe that only one kind of sex is normal, is conventional; man and woman, penetration, missionary. Not that there is anything wrong with that, but nothing else? Dull, dull, dull …
Is Still Here & Still Here Too
I think it’s even amazing that we’re discussing what is or is not kink! That just would not have happened as little as five years ago. The mainstream discussion of all-things sexual is evolving almost as quickly as technology.
As a sex positive person, I believe that anything is OK provided that both parties consent, and that both parties are ADULTS.
I, myself, am pretty white bread. I found a recent Tweet hysterical when it quoted someone as saying that they were so traditional that their safe word was “Ouch!” That’s me in a nutshell.
Actually, isn’t “ouch” the best safe word? If you are into that sort of thing, is it really pain? Is an intense sensation that gives pleasure during sex pain? Isn’t “ouch” the appropriate word once it stops being pleasurable? Isn’t that the definition of pain? I guess I have never really understood why the BDSM crowd calls it pain it they like the way it feels.
Is Still Here
I agree — conventional is a useless concept. I’m just glad I don’t have to worry about birth control any more! And I’m glad that the internet isn’t trying to ban websites about breast cancer any more because they use the word breast and have diagrams of breasts. Yes, the world has changed. But when I went with my husband to see the urologist about his urinary retention, we wound up talking with a young resident who seemed shocked that we gray-haired geezers are passionate about each other. It it only seniors who are comfortable talking about sex?