Sex, the Glue that Binds

Humans can choose the lifestyle they will live. That is, they can choose within the lim­its allowed by the gov­ern­men­tal and reli­gious insti­tu­tions they allow to take con­trol of their lives. Humans can engage in the sex­ual rela­tions they choose. But they must accept the con­se­quences of these choices upon other rela­tions in their lives.

Whether we humans want to accept it or not, there is no such thing as a sex­ual encounter with­out some form of influ­ence upon our men­tal and phys­i­cal makeup. Yes, it may be so fleet­ing as to seem to be essen­tially incon­se­quen­tial. But then there are so many ways the encounter may not be incon­se­quen­tial. The phys­i­cal con­se­quences should be very well known, although amaz­ingly they appear to either not be under­stood or ignored by so many. Men­tal con­se­quences may often be much less eas­ily assessed. Men­tal con­se­quences of all human inter­ac­tions are dif­fi­cult to assess. Men­tal inter­ac­tions that are rein­forced with phys­i­cal inter­ac­tions are espe­cially likely to influ­ence our long-term makeup. But those inter­ac­tions that surely do influ­ence our makeup, those that change our bio-chemical con­struc­tion, those that change our neu­ro­log­i­cally imprinted design, those that define the human that we are, are those inter­ac­tions that we repeat and seek to repeat.

Sex can be an intense phys­i­cal and men­tal inter­ac­tion. Repeat­edly good sex with the same part­ner, espe­cially over an extended period of time, can be a mind and body alter­ing expe­ri­ence. Want to have a rela­tion­ship with your part­ner that lasts? Have good sex. Have good sex with you part­ner. Have good sex with your part­ner often. It is the glue that bonds the rela­tion­ship together.

Have sex with the same part­ner long enough and you will have to work to keep the sex alive. You will have to learn new ways. You will have to learn that sex is not just inter­course. You will have to learn that sex is not just orgasm. As you age you will espe­cially have to learn to adapt. You will have to learn that you will have to learn as much about your­self as you have to learn about your part­ner. This may sound like work. But can some­thing so reward­ing, so plea­sur­able, so ful­fill­ing, so grat­i­fy­ing really be work? Two peo­ple grow­ing together into some­thing more; even as they age and sup­pos­edly lessen become more than they ever were.

Want to break the bond and risk the rela­tion­ship? Want to dis­solve the glue? Stop hav­ing sex with your part­ner. Start hav­ing sex with oth­ers than your part­ner. Either runs the risk of weak­en­ing the bond, the first by allow­ing the bond to fade, the sec­ond by allow­ing other bonds to form.

Many today say that monogamy is incon­sis­tent with humanity’s nature. There may be a grain of truth to what they say. But that way of life comes with a cost. Per­haps the drive for males to spread their genes comes at the cost of liv­ing to the age their genes allow with­out the close­ness that comes from that bond that only comes from hav­ing a life partner.

Per­haps the bless­ing and the curse of our men­tal aware­ness is that we can con­sciously choose to not pur­sue every sex­ual desire we see in the world. Per­haps we can choose to under­stand that, while the desire may be real, to give in to the desire will cost much more than the short-term plea­sure returns. The short-term plea­sure will wear at the bond that sus­tains us through life. It is only a con­tin­ued, active won­der­ful sex life with our part­ner that makes us whole and sus­tains us through our life journey.

The other path is a valid choice. But it is not an equiv­a­lent path. Some would say it is a broader expe­ri­ence. But it is not as deep an expe­ri­ence. It is not as intense an expe­ri­ence. It is not as sus­tained an expe­ri­ence. Per­haps it is an eas­ier path and that is why so many take it.

Is Still Here & Still Here Too