Death implies the end of something. But there is a character of the end that is hard to identify. Not death of an organism. We can reasonably agree on that occurrence. Perhaps not universally agree on the exact moment of occurrence, but at some point we will all agree that death occurred. But death of a capability is not so easy to define. Was the last occurrence of a capability the last that will occur?
Lately I have been dealing with more than normal stress in my work, recovery from surgery, age. These conditions, and perhaps others unknown, have added to prior difficulties that have made achieving orgasm an increasingly difficult exercise. Not for lack of desire, not for lack of trying, not for lack of coöperation of my dear partner Still Here Too, nor for lack of trying many highly recommended sex toys. There is not a difficulty in achieving erection or sensitivity. It is just an extremely frustrating difficulty reaching the culminating state.
This is a time when the presence of a more than highly understanding and loving partner makes life bearable. This is a time when being in a stable, long-standing monogamous relationship makes life bearable. I have no idea where this state will take me. Honestly I dread my current condition being permanent. I am not ready to live without a complete sexual life even if I can still provide satisfaction to my partner. I am not complete without this part of life.
But is this really death of the orgasm? When is the last occurrence? I must keep trying … the alternative, to curl up in a corner and wither away, just does not feel very enticing.
Is Still Here